weareatdo

Weight Game

Losing weight is a bitch.

I have struggled with my weight since I was 7 years old. I was a thin child until my eczema got so bad that Dr.’s put me on medication with steroids. I was hungry all the time and turned from thin to chubby very quickly. I endured the chubby jokes, being called a fat girl, a giant, almost every insult you could imagine. Even the back handed compliment, “you’re cute for a big girl”

I was looked over because of my weight. Boys didn’t pay attention to me. Not in a romantic way, just as their homegirl. Their fat and funny homegirl. . My parents were very good with telling me I was beautiful and special and building my self-confidence, but when the jokes fly from your peers, it’s kinda hard to hear your parents’ affirmations over the insults.

I had to get my clothes from the Jr. plus section or from the Misses section, at the age of 10. That was so embarrassing and it made me feel less than. I always felt like I had to work twice as hard, be twice as funny, be twice as fly due to my size.

At 14, I had a growth spurt and thinned out just a little, grew some boobs, a butt and I learned how to comb my hair. There was a boy that I liked that liked me back and I couldn’t believe it. He likes me? Chubby Tiora? That couldn’t comb her hair from 7^th -9^th grade? Now that I look back on it, I didn’t really like him. I liked the fact that someone was paying me attention. And I was grateful for that attention. And this happened throughout a large part of my life until I started seeing images of plus size women that were desired romantically, not just as the fat and funny homie. Looking at my TV and at magazines and seeing Mo’Nique, Jill Scott, Countess Vaughn, and Queen Latifah in starring roles about being the object of someone’s affection really moved me and I started to feel better about myself.

I walked with a different air of confidence. Like yeah, I’m chubby but I’m cute and I can dress. Who gone check me, boo?

All the years of working up that confidence hit a snag when I met my future ex-husband.

He was a 6’4, athletic built, green eyed man with D2B that had me in a haze. I married him because I thought he loved me and who else was going to ask me to marry them at such a young age (I was 21 and thought that marriage was the end goal and I had reached it early in life)

The ink hadn’t dried on the marriage license when he started to verbally and physically abuse me. He would call me fat. A fat bitch. A fat bitch slut. Told me that no one would want me. Who else would want such a fat woman? I should be lucky that he even married me. I was fortunate to have a husband, since I was fat and all. And I almost fell for the flim flam. I almost believed him. I almost let him take my confidence away. I almost let him trick me into thinking, once again, that I was less than. But I didn’t and I left that terrible marriage and awful man.

I started working out and eating right post-divorce. I did this because I was trying to prove a point. Someone will want me. Someone will think that I’m amazing. I will not be fat. I will not be undesirable. I will not just be used for sex because I’m easy. (Fat girl=easy in some people’s minds because we should be grateful that anyone should even look our way.)

I worked and worked and I lost 40 pounds and I felt so good, but I still wasn’t loving myself because I was still bitter. I wasn’t over all the hurt from my marriage. I was still in a haze of hate for him and hate for myself because I allowed him to treat me like that.

After losing alllllll that weight, I went on a two year party binge to take my mind off of my failed marriage and a short lived super fail of a post-divorce relationship. I was partying Thursday-Sunday and I had a rotation of men. I could not keep men off me. I gained my 40 pounds back and then some and I didn’t even notice it. How could I? My clothes still fit(kinda) and I HAD ALL THE MENS!!!!

I gained 60 pounds by making bad life decisions (partying, drinking heavily, eating terribly and not working out) and people telling me I looked great. I realized how much weight I had gained and decided right then to make a change for myself.

I was going to lose weight because I wanted to lose it. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to not get winded doing certain things. I wanted to be healthy. I didn’t want to get high blood pressure which runs in my family.

During this time, I gained a friend that showed me what true love was. And I was finally able to truly love myself. So my true journey began. For myself. I was doing it for me, not to show off or gloat or to prove a point.

I joined Weight Watchers, hired a trainer and started going to various classes. I became obsessed.

I would work out two, sometimes three times a day. I would not drink, I would not eat certain things and I lost 40 pounds in about 6 months. And I felt good. I felt great. I was happy with myself but at the same time I was miserable and didn’t understand why. Why am I miserable? BECAUSE I WANTED A BURGER AND DIDN’T WANT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT EATING IT. I wanted to cook and bake and not feel bad about eating what I cooked because it wasn’t part of my diet. And I wasn’t there. If I ate one bad thing, I would work out extra hard because I felt bad. I felt like I was letting myself down.

I know I’ve been rambling, but whatever.

I have finally lost all the weight that I have gained and put back on over the past 6 years.

I’m 30 years old and at a size that is cool but would still like to lose 20 more pounds. Will I struggle with my weight for the rest of my life? Yes. Will I get off track? Yes. Will I eat a cupcake if I feel like it? Yes.

I am truly at a happy place in my life and with myself.

I cannot stress about losing weight or gaining it. That’s life.

I let my weight hold me back from opportunities, effect my relationships, affect my view of myself, just, let it have too much control over me.

I have spent 23 years battling my weight and will battle it until the day I die.

I get tired. Tired of going to the gym. Tired of running. Tired of eating oatmeal for breakfast instead of a biscuit. TIRED OF GRILLED CHICKEN INSTEAD OF FRIED CHICKEN.

But those are things I will have to do for the rest of my life. I have to live as healthy as I can. Stay active, eat right but allow myself a cheat meal every once in a while because if I don’t, I will lose my mind.

I have shared my progress with people, but not the personal struggle. I’m sharing it now because I know someone reading this is going through the same thing. And it’s ok.

I hate the rapper Curren$y, but I love his motto, J.E.T.S.

Just Enjoy The Shit. Enjoy your life. Keep a good balance. Don’t stress. It is what it is. Eat that burger and don’t apologize to anyone about it.

High Rise…Low Price

So, I have one good area on my stomach. And that’s the top part. The rest of it…no.

So if you’re like me, high rise jeans are your friend. I love high waisted jeans. They camouflage the parts of your stomach you don’t like and are very flattering.

I purchased my jeans from a local boutique, Vogue Visage. They ran me about 40 bucks which is a great deal for distressed jeans that fit like butter (and make my bum look A-mah-zing)!

These jeans will be worn summer, fall, winter and spring. They can be dressed up or down. I’m ready to style these jeans for each season.

I paired them with a high low shirt that showed just enough of my stomach, you know, the good part. I also found this shirt at Vogue, on the clearance rack. It was $15.

I got this entire look for $55 and each piece can be repurposed in so many ways.

Always buy pieces that can be worn in more ways than one and you’ll get your money’s worth. Information on Vogue Visage is below.

Stay fab, dolls (and gents)

Vogue Visage

9100 N Rodney Parham Rd

Little Rock, AR

501-223-9979

The Afterthought

There are so many hidden gems in Little Rock, The Afterthought Bistro being one of them. The Afterthought is located in the Heights and every Tuesday they have a Jam Session that is….TOTALLY FREE.

That’s right. There is absolutely no charge for the jam session every Tuesday. It is hosted by Carl Mouton and local musicians and singers drop by to play. The energy in this place is amazing and there is a sense of family here. Everyone is made to feel welcome.

This is a great setting for a date, a night out with the girls, or even go by yourself because you might run into someone that you know. It is totally free. Only have to spend money if you want to eat or drink!!

(Above is my sister, myself and Tiko Brooks enjoying ourselves at The Afterthought)

They have a full menu and their food is very delicious and affordable. They serve hard liquor as well as wine and the bartenders are wonderful (so don’t forget to tip them) .

Jam Session starts at 8 PM every Tuesday. And in case you forgot…

It’s Free

http://www.afterthoughtbistroandbar.com

I Ain’t Got It

Disclaimer: This piece does not apply to those of you that do have it. Go forth and prosper. But if that’s not you , it’s ok to say, “I ain’t got it”

In a world where we live to impress people with the clothes and shoes we wear. How fly our hair and nails are. How crisp your line up is. Getting the new pair of Jordan’s every time they come out. To driving a car that you may not be able to afford that are laced with rims from Rent and Roll.

It’s easy to get caught up in that world. I know it is because I’ve been there before. I just paid all my debt off last year and it was a great feeling. This debt came from buying things that I didn’t need to impress people that may or may not like me and I may or may not have liked them. Buying things that I have never worn or worn once and never again because I didn’t want to be seen in the same outfit twice.

And then something magical happened…30 started creeping up on me and all the damns were thrown out of the window. If you see me in it twice, then you just do. If I don’t have on the latest fashions, I just don’t. I GOT BILLS.

But back to the subject at hand…

It is ok to skip out on some events, shoe releases, major sales and stunting opportunities if in the end all you’ll have to show for it is a mountain of debt and be living off Ramen noodles. Not even the fancy kind. Just the noodles and the flavor packet.

You can live a fun and productive life on a budget. If you don’t go on that trip that you just can’t afford right now, you won’t die. If you skip out on an event and stay in and watch Netflix, you’ll still be alive tomorrow. The people that you may be trying to impress will not be sitting there with you when your lights are turned off and you’re sitting in your car to charge your phone.

Set a budget for yourself every month, if an activity or a new shirt you want to buy doesn’t fit in the budget, skip it. If you have to decide between your lights and a BCBG dress, please choose the lights. How else would you be able to see how great you look if you don’t have any lights? And how else will you take that mirror picture if there is no reflection to be seen because you have no lights!!!!

You don’t have to stop living to save money. But make smart decisions that will benefit you in the future, not decisions on how badly you want the something right now. You never know, you might catch that something on clearance when your budget allows you to shop the way you want to. And then you’ve won that day. The day was won by you.

I ain’t got it is not a bad thing to say. It’s a smart thing to say and there is absolutely no shame in it.

Eyeliner. Mascara. Lip gloss

Eyeliner. Mascara. Lip gloss.

Remember when that’s all you would put on before leaving the house? Rather it be to go to school or to a party? Eye shadow was reserved for special events like school dances and proms and a nice event at church? If you were really feeling yourself, you would put on some dark brown or black liner and then slap some roller ball flavored lip gloss on with it? Maybe change the black liner above your lid to some white liner? Fancy.

For the past few years, we have seen understated makeup take a backseat. I didn’t even think about this until I was having a conversation with my friend, Christina, and she asked me a question. “Were we better looking when all we wore was eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss?” Through my eye shadow, eyeliner, mascara, filled in brows, concealer, foundation, blush, and lipstick I answered, “yes”.

As I sat there and answered my friend with an honest yes, I thought about those days when all I had was mascara, eyeliner and lip gloss. Flavored lip gloss or the gloss that had a little pink or tan tint to it. Before the MAC counter was an everyday thing. When getting my makeup done was only for special occasions. When going to lunch or shopping with my friends didn’t require a beat face.

Please don’t read this and think that I am bashing makeup. Because for those of you that know me, know I love makeup. But for the past few weeks, I have gone back to the basics for everyday wear. Eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss. That’s it. I have even stopped wearing concealer on a daily basis and that does not happen!!! No gawd! But I feel free in a way and I can sleep in a little bit in the mornings. Now when I put my makeup on to go to dinner, an event, or just out for drinks, it feels more special than it did before. Doesn’t feel like a routine. I feel like I’m getting cute for a purpose, not just because that is what I’m supposed to do because that is the norm.

So if it’s in you, try to just wear eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss just once a week and think about the old times when that’s all you really did.

Validate Me

“I don’t need validation”:: yes you do, because you need to be validated on the fact that you don’t need validation.

There seems to be a need for people to state that they don’t need validation. That they are glad to be different, to stand out, to be comfortable with who they are and fuck what anyone else is talking about. But here’s the thing. Most of these statements are on social media. And let’s keep it funky, social media is the biggest tool for validation. Whether it is through a like, a retweet, a repost or a shared link, that need for validation is there. Why do you think there is such a thing as being “catfished”? Because people need to be validated, even if it’s by pretending to be someone else.

If you’re ok with who you are, there’s no need to announce it. If you’re the best at what you do, you don’t have to announce it, if you’re the flyest person in the room, right, you guessed it, no need to announce it. But these announcements are made because validation is needed.

Everyone walks through life looking for validation. It starts with your parents, then your peers, then your teachers, then your love interests. Now there is this great thing called social media, and oh my. Validation levels are at super saiyan. Anything for a like or a retweet is the need for validation rearing its ugly head.

I.e. “Oh my God, I’m so ugly” No, no you’re not. You just want someone to validate you and leave a comment saying how good you look, how fine and perfect you are. Light of my life, moon of my stars lookin ass. Boom instant validation.

So let’s cut the shit, we all need validation and that’s ok. We all walk through life needing approval. Even if we want others to approve the fact that we don’t want to be liked, we want validation, for something.

Life Comes at You Fast

I haven’t updated this blog in almost a month! Between my personal life, my business and new duties at work, I have fallen by the wayside. I haven’t posted anything for the three people that follow this blog, but I promise that I’m going to do better!! I had been wanting to start this blog for forever and as soon as I did, so much stuff came up. But to build a brand, I’m going to have to make some time to update this here blog. I’ll be back with more things to do, places to eat, and clothes to wear in the upcoming weeks. Promise…

Rasta Pasta

4 chicken breast

1 cup of broccoli florets (fresh)

2 tsp of fresh garlic

1 yellow bell pepper

1 package of baby Bella mushrooms

1 lb of bow tie pasta

2 jars of Classico four cheese Alfredo sauce

2 tbsp of butter

1/4 cup of Basil pesto

Italian seasoning

curry powder

shredded Parmesan cheese

Directions: slice chicken into thins slivers and season with salt, pepper and a dash of Italian seasoning. Place in a skillet over media high hear and cook through. While the chicken is cooking, chop up your vegetables and cook pasta according to the directions and then drain and set aside.

Sauté the mushrooms and bell peppers in a tbsp of oil in a separate skillet. Once they are about tender, add the broccoli. You add the broccoli last because you don’t want it to be too tender. Once that is done, remove from heat and set aside.

Sauce: melt two tbsp of butter in a medium saucepan. Then add garlic and sauté until tender. Add the 2 jars of Alfredo sauce and bring to a boil. Turn the heat to low and simmer for about 5 minutes.

Pour the drained pasta into a large pot and then stir in the Alfredo sauce. Once it is mixed throughly, add the basil pesto. Toss. Then add the chicken and the vegetables and season with the curry powder and Italian seasoning to your liking. Top with shredded Parmesan. Voila.

This seems tedious, but it only takes about 45 minutes to prepare. Enjoy!!!

Dear Fun Police…

To the Fun Police in the state of Tennessee:

I’ve been a resident of your lovely state for a little over three months. The people I’ve met and the restaurants I’ve visited have all been great. The drivers and the constant road construction are in a never ending struggle to see which can be worse, but that’s another letter for another day.

I’m dictating my grievances to you today because I’m terribly vexed about the conditions of your adult establishments. One birthday weekend, a group of friends and I found ourselves at one such establishment. I won’t mention the name of the establishment, but it shares its name with a Ginuwine song that probably should be a standard in that place. The outside greeter didn’t say much, but he wasn’t rude. I didn’t have a problem with the cover and two drink minimum initially because I had a beer in hand within a minute of walking in the door. The vexing issues began shortly after that.

The place was relatively clean looking, but it was a smoke box. I expected that. I don’t mind if the women are of a certain persuasion. Most of them were, but that’s of no concern to me. However, if I walk to into a place that has a logo with the phrase “strip club” on it, that’s what I expect to see. To my dismay, that was not happening…at all. With all due respect…

WHO THE FUCK TOLD Y’ALL TO PASS A LAW THAT PROHIBITS SKRIPPUHS FROM SKRIPPIN’ ON STAGE AND ON THE DANCE FLOOR?!?!?!? THAT’S THE DUMBEST SHIT I’VE EVER HEARD!!!

In order to see these women in various manners of undress, it required payment of amount that none of us deemed acceptable. One employee (we’ll call her Kitty Galore) stated that her rate to step behind the dingy velvet curtain was AT LEAST $75.00. Those who “ponied” up the funds were escorted to a VIP area, but they didn’t seem to be gone for very long.

When presented with this disappointing news, we all decided to stick it out and at least get a good buzz. But when we looked behind the bar, there was only beer. Hard liquor was nowhere to be seen. Unbeknownst to us, if you wanted to have anything other than beer or Smirnoff Ice, you were required to bring it. So not only is this place unhealthy for me due to the secondhand smoke, I CAN’T EVEN GET ANY CROWN?!?! THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!

We were crestfallen when we realized the gravity of the situation. What began as evening as fun and beautiful as “Saved by the Bell” Lark Voorhies quickly mutated into a night as grim and tragic as present-day Lark Voorhies. We decided to redeem our remaining drink tickets and leave for a last minute photo shoot. Upon leaving, a gentleman asked why we were leaving with such sad faces. We told him of our discoveries. His response: “Sheeiiit, I coulda told y’all that before y’all walked in.” WHY THE HELL ISN’T POSTED AT THE DOOR AT ALL TIMES?!?!? THAT IS VITAL INFORMATION!!!

Please see that your adult establishments are returned to the bosom-filled, liquor fueled sanctums of escape and fantasy that we all know and love. Failure to so will result in a great number of women in Atlanta, instead of those in Memphis or Nashville, getting financial support as they attempt to finish nursing school.

Signed,

Ruck

If you don’t believe me, please see the attached link! PLEASE SEE THE ATTACHED LINK!!! http://www.memphisflyer.com/NewsBlog/archives/2011/11/11/strip-club-regulations-to-take-effect-in-january

South on Main

The first time I went to South on Main was January of this year and I have been addicted ever since. I went to see my good friend, Epiphany, perform but the kitchen was still open so I said, why not? I ordered the Rabbit Boudin with creamed greens and cornbread. Lissen. The boudin was melt in your mouth and the greens tasted like Madea was back there in the kitchen churning them out. I had to stop the Chef, Matt Bell, and ask him how he made those greens and how much I had to pay him for the recipe!

The last time I was there, it was for lunch. Now I have to really love a place to go to lunch solo. I do not go to lunch by myself ,judge your mother. But the Blue Plate Special of the day was Duck Andouille with rice grits and brown beans and I just had to have it. I was not disappointed. The flavors of all the components of the meal were just excellent. I was so full, but a happy plate had to happen.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, I am a frequent visitor of South on Main and I am not ashamed of my addiction. The atmosphere is very southern and the food has southern roots with modern twists. Chef Matt Bell is one of the nicest people that I have ever met and his staff is wonderful. If you haven’t had a chance to go, I highly suggest that you give them a visit. They have a great lunch and dinner menu and their bar selection is excellent. The desserts are to die for, and I know desserts. They have everything from Cronuts to Dessert Jars. So head on down to South on Main and Treat Yoself.

http://southonmain.com