You read all these books and blogs in preparation of becoming a mother but very rarely do you have anyone be honest with you about what you go through as a woman postpartum and that includes the temporary loss of your bad bitch.

I gained a lot of weight in the last trimester of my pregnancy and thought I would be able to lose it quickly because I was breastfeeding.

But the gag is…..

That did not work for me because I was stress eating.

New mom + nursing+ pumping+ returning to work during the busiest season of the year + figuring out how to balance working full time and being a mom equaled snacks on snacks on snacks and rapid weight gain.

On top of the weight gain, my hair would not take a relaxer after having my son and MY EDGES FELL OUT! I always wore my hair in a super cute cut and now….AND NOW MY HAIR AND MY BODY TURNED ON ME!!

I did not feel like myself at all and my hair was…struggling because I didn’t know what to do with it in the transition stage.

And twist outs, tuh. The. Worst

I got frustrated with the transition from relaxed to natural because I like to look good and I didn’t feel like I did.

So I did the big chop in December of 2017 And while the cut was super cute and I had an easy curl pattern to manage, I hated it.

I hated it because I was the biggest I had been in about 10 years and then I didn’t feel like myself already with my size and then add the new haircut…

I was off and on with keeping up with my weight loss because, life. I was trying to make it work with my hair but I thought about getting a perm and pixie more times than I can remember because then at least I would be comfortable with one thing about my physical appearance.

I can count on one hand the times I was happy with how my natural hair looked on me.

Yes, I had a beautiful curl pattern.

Yes my hair was growing at a rapid speed.

But mane, I was spending so much money on ponytails and braids and weaves because keeping up with my hair was just so much.

And honestly, I’ve never cared about having long hair anyway, so I had to ask myself why I was trying to grow it out in the first place.

In March of this year, I had an unfortunate incident with a hairstyle and I said to myself, self, f**k this, I’m getting a relaxer and a pixie and before I could chicken out, I pushed book on my appointment with my beautician back home since I was visiting that week anyway.

I went to the salon and my beautician gathered all of my hair, snipped it and started putting the relaxer on my hair and I instantly felt like myself again.

Mmmm. The smell of relaxer followed up by the smell of spritz and the sizzle of the flat iron curling my hair. I missed those things so much!

I had to do what was best for me and stop worrying about letting my natural sisters down because I mean,  f**k that. I needed my best look to feel like myself again and my best look is a relaxed pixie.

I feel like me again for the first time after having my son.

I got my bad bitch back and it feels so good.